G0 Bananas

consignment is addictive. Once you start, there is no turning back

started working at a high end consignment store on the upper east side. Pretty sure my paychecks will be going to clothes. woops.

THINK I’M TRIPPIN’?

Tie my shoe.

I changed my name from jadedsimiles to hannahsjade

It’s just easier… And all my friends were getting confused. 

Weakness: Compliments

My brain just goes off on vacation to Iceland and becomes a freeze pop that does not get melted by california girls, so it’s like… SUPERFREEZE and then, since Iceland has a lot of fish, it gets mercury poisoning and brings it back through immigration and everything and decides, oh it’s okay to give you brain damage and let you go on in your life, nothing bad will happen NBD. NO WARNING. 

Sooooo when I get a compliment

that’s what happens…

and then I have to stutter and wait for my brain to come back from vacation to come up with a… Less than adequate response.merpderpherp

and I looked up what type of food they eat in Iceland… I don’t think I want to visit for there for the cuisine.

HOW TO NOT PICK UP A GIRL

This dude, a towering stocky Korean looking one, waiting in the bathroom line at a Starbucks, leans out of the line smiling and looks me in the eye, “Jessica, right?” …

Bro I don’t know you. And no, do I look like a fucking Jessica? Shaking my head, I try to hide my discomfort.  Usually I can handle strangers, when they don’t have creepy intentions, and this dude thinks he’s met me before?! WHATTT? Once he takes a piss he stands next to my table, where I was having a very serious meeting about real people shit(I’m designing a website, so watch out!), and goes, “So I guess I’ll never see you again” I wanted to be like. HELL YEAH YOU WONT. But my thoughts were not up to speed with my motor control. I just made a weird dying cat sound/ummmm. He continues, “I’m Kent by the way” and stick out his hand, automatic jerk reaction I shake it, and say, “Hannah”

He looks at the company I keep, and points at Kevin, “So is he your brother?” What, just cause we’re asian… “Nope, friend” “Just a friend” 

I try to cut him off. “How old are you?”

“I’m 32”

“I’m 16” I say, in a matter of fact kinda way.

“Well,” his expression remains untouched, but he continually puts his hand through his hair. “Age is just a number, I mean how old are they” reffering to my friends

“18” which is a lie, they’re a bit older, but I don’t want to give the MAN any hope. 

“They look older, are they your friends”

“Yes,” getting annoyed and trying to communicate to him that he should just leave, “Sorry”

“So I won’t see you again”

I shrug. At this point, my friends are holding back their laughter, I had mentioned earlier that creepers were the only ones attracted to me, and they certainly take my word for it. 

Kent storms out of the Starbucks, and we wrap up our meeting.

I don’t even…

uhg.

why?  I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD CAN I? Shit. (researches botox injections to schedule within the next 5 years)

It works like an international airport. ADHDHDuH-D-DuH-D-D-DuH Oh look, it’s shine-y *stares*

We have the travelers! Businessmen, vacationers, and the emergency kinds. Occasionally there is a miscellaneous crowd, consisting of escapees/runaways, people who have so much money they don’t know what to do with it so they buy a plane ticket etc. basically randoms. 

Then we have security check.

Then we have the gates and terminals.

We got our food court and duty free doody stuff where you get overpriced crap gifts

We got the unaccompanied minors room.

And then we got the planes. 

This is my brain. At least, it’s the first analogy I made to describe the way my brain works when my mom asked.

The travelers are my thoughts.  The business men are the beige thoughts, the vacationers are the Hawaiian shirt wearing thoughts(think cliche and tacky), the emergency ones are the scenarios I come up with and the runaways are the paranoid ones I can’t take seriously.  The fun voices I come up with are the rest of the randoms. 

Security check makes the thoughts stay around for a bit longer. Where some either get shot down and cuffed or get to cross the bridge and find holy grail! 

Gates and terminals is where shit goes down.  They get into fights, or they dance around and flirt, or sometimes just stay boring and don’t develop.  

Food court is for the silly ones who didn’t bring their own beer/lunch and duty free is for the douchebag who didn’t get anything before hand for his granny’s birthday cause he was “too busy” forgetting to call her.  

Unaccompanied minors room is pretty self explanatory. That’s where THE GENIUS’ ROAM. And scowl. And scream. And want to kill people.  But it’s also where the coolest of the cool go. So, it really depends on if they act on said coolness or not.  Regardless, the kid will be changed. For ever. YOU GO IN THAT ROOM YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

Then there are the planes. 

There’s a lot of air traffic.

And there are a lot of delays. 

The planes take the thoughts and bring them to where they are supposed to be. 

Which happens eventually, for most. But not always.

So yeah, that’s my brain. 

I think I understand why my mom was scared… >.>

On Saturday I’m going to Lilongwe, Malawi(Central Africa) and I’m gunna queue a sufficient amount of stuff for JOO’ALL, to hopefully tide over my withering followers with my amazingness and hopefully seduce you to becoming my friends.

YAYYYY

SO ANYWAY

I’m THUPEREXTHITED BOUT MY TRIP!

BECAUSE

MADONNA BOUGHT HER BABY FROM THERE
(such is the immediate response I get whenever I say MALAWI  obviously you get a baby as a souvenir once you enter the premises, I mean, MADONNA GO ONE, SO CAN I!)

AND I NEED TO GET SHOTS OR I’LL DIE BECAUSE THERE ARE BLACK PEOPLE THERE AND OMG WHAT IF I GET THE ITIS FROM TOUCHING THEM?!?SDFKAJLSDJF ?!!?!!>SAKDF ON NOOOOOOOOO

I’m so intimidated by the boxes. They’re gunna give me it.

IT

THE ITIS

YEAH

I’m really hype tho, so watch out. I’ll be bringin’ you back some itis. 

Lilongwe is said to be one of the most conservative towns. GOTTA GET ME SOME HOOD SHORTS TO COVER MAH KNEES. 

I’M A COOL KID AND BEREAVE EVERYTHING BITCH ASS OLD NIGGS SAY

I watch TED videos for fun.  When I run out of those/get bored/weirded out by the- just go look and you needn’t be ‘splained-, I resort to watching videos on bigthink. Supposedly the reason it is hard for females to find a companion/lover/lusterfucker in a city as LARGE as New York is because of the LARGE population.  THIS SMART ASS BROSKI WAS ALL “it’s normal for women to reject the first thirds of the suitors that they encounter.” So, maybe I should go to college in IDAHO OR SOME SHIT AND… no.

yo fuck yo couch. Imma rant all day. I like saying large right now, it MAKES ME SMILE.

Are you worried? Nervous? Hesitant?

Don’t be. It’ll be fine. 
You’re just fine.

Maybe it’ll come true

Maybe everything will be alright

It’s a placebo effect